Letting it All Out

I noticed in the very fresh stages of grief that some people just didn’t know where to put themselves. Some avoided all reference to any remotely personal line of conversation and some gave me a wide berth as my grief obviously challenged their ability to be with their own emotions. Others wanted to make suggestions and give advice and there were also those that used the opportunity to offload their own repressed grief, relieved for the opportunity to make a socially acceptable connection through my circumstances. This was challenging as quite frankly I was dealing with my own shit and did not have the energy to bolster others in the way which usually came so naturally.

None of this was anyone’s fault of course. We are so ill-prepared to deal with our own grief let alone anyone else’s. There is no manual for these sort of situations and we are all just doing the best we can and most people hate to see another human being hurting and desperately want to make everything ok. We have to forgive those who are clumsy with us when we are grieving. People mean well for the most part.

Today’s post is dedicated to the friends who let me cry and openly express my grief. The ones who just let me be with it. Those who could handle letting me be in the crying, messy, overwhelming state I was in without trying to fix it. Those tears were a Godsend. And that is where the healing begins.

Photo : https://extremerebirth1.deviantart.com/art/Rainbow-Tears-301547245


Friends through the Tears

Don’t wipe away her tears

Don’t think you know what’s best

Don’t rescue her when grief appears

Don’t clear up her sweet mess

For tears can be a Godsend

A safety valve, release

Don’t bring her crying to and end

So you can feel at peace

The black pools of mascara

Which trickle down her cheeks

Once dry as the Sahara

Now let her sad heart speak

Enough to simply be there

Enough to hold the space

She knows how much you care

When you are silent in this place

She has her own resources

She has her own advice

These tears are where her source is

Restrain and pay the price

And when the rain has fallen

And the stormy clouds have passed

It’s you that she will call on

As a friend that touched her heart

24 thoughts on “Letting it All Out

  1. Perfectly written. This is wonderful.
    As a side note, the best care I received in the intense first days of raw grief came from an unexpected source. A woman I barely knew sat in my lost loved one’s basement with me and just let me cry. She didn’t say anything. She just sat close. It was perfect. How uncomfortable she must have been, but how perfect her response.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for connecting with my poem Ally! Ziggy is a great cat name isn’t it? He also gets called a number of other nicknames from Twiglet to Tiger Stripes! x


      1. It’s my pleasure, Sam. I also went to your Facebook page and it looks very interesting. Our cat is actually called Ziggy-stardust! πŸ˜€


      2. Thanks Ally. I love the fact your Ziggy also has Stardust in his name! I work as a full time languages teacher and am a nearly fully qualified Co-Active Life Coach. Life is busy but full of things I love and I am grateful for this x

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I like how, in your poem, you say you have your own advice/tools/resources. Sometimes the best thing someone can do for you during grief, is nothing at all. To just be there or not be there, whatever makes the grieving person most comfortable.

    From my own experience as well, it seems like people in their effort to “make it better” put their foot in their mouths more often than not. This is what makes people in grief isolate themselves further because it becomes too tiring to explain or hear things that don’t help.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

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